*long exasperated sigh as i contemplate my indefinite single status*
hey bud *wraps you up in a blanket* i know today might have been hard for you *ruffles your hair* but you made it through the day *boops your nose* you’re doing such a good job *kisses your forehead* and i am so proud of you
protip: if you cant remember someones name, just call them “old sport”
How to break out of a zip-tie- potentially life-saving information
You guys, please share it. You never know when someone is going to need this information.
Whenever someone says to me “Jerry Lewis says women aren’t funny or Christopher Hitchens says women aren’t funny..do you have anything to say to that? “
YES. WE DON’T FUCKING CARE IF YOU LIKE IT